Did you know that love is an energy state? We generally understand it as a feeling, one that you can nourish and own with purpose. When love is present there will be a sense of contentment, acceptance, and completeness within us. This feeling of love can be for another person, an object, a place, a memory but also for yourself. It is this self-love that I want to look at. It should be the most long-lasting and reliable form of love but sometimes we struggle with loving ourselves.
I am sure many of you will have heard or been told, ”You can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself.” However, this isn’t straightforward, particularly for those who’ve experienced difficult relationships, trauma, or other painful experiences. But this is where I can help, as loving yourself is a skill you can develop in the same way as self-confidence or self-trust.
What is self-love?
Self-love is an appreciation, affinity, and positive regard for yourself, and is closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your value and look after yourself with love.
Signs of a lack of self-love
Lacking self-love can be detrimental to you and your everyday life, so here are some signs to look out for:
- Perfectionism and fear of failure.
- Comparing yourself unfavourably to others.
- Negative thoughts and self-criticism.
- Feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.
So how do you love yourself?
Well, this is a difficult question and the answer will be different for each of us. But, a great place to start is to talk kindly to yourself. We all have times when we have negative thoughts about ourselves, but when you notice these make a point of turning them around into positive and uplifting ones.
Self-care versus self-love ~ what’s the difference?
Many people just assume that self-care is self-love. While self-care is a part of improving your self-love, there is so much more to practising loving yourself, it is much deeper than just having a lovely bubble bath as it goes beyond the surface and requires you to truly understand your value and feel good about yourself. So self-care is the actions and practices you take to develop or enhance your self-love. It is a way to maintain loving yourself and should be incorporated into your life as you learn to love yourself.
Self-love is the foundation of your perception of self and so is more of a mental and emotional state of how you feel about yourself. We are all born with self-love; it’s completely natural for children to love and accept themselves. However, as we get older life experiences and trauma can result in this self-love being eroded. To regain your self-love starts with forgiveness. As a start you may, for example, want to sit quietly, meditate, and follow this affirmation: “I forgive myself. I love myself. I accept myself.”
Building your self-love is very personal, so while a therapist can help support you, it will be up to you to find what is right for you. But you cannot love yourself if you don’t forgive yourself and see yourself as a compassionate and loving person.
Practising self-care
Self-care is the actions and practices that can support your mental, emotional and physical health and your overall well-being. Here are some ideas:
- Sit quietly in your favourite spot and enjoy a lovely cuppa.
- Remember a recent happy time or treat.
- Say some positive affirmations, if that is something you enjoy.
- Pause from your everyday life and do something just for YOU.
- Go to a shop you have always wanted to visit and buy yourself a treat.
- Sit a read a book uninterrupted for a whole day.
Self-care can be difficult to start with so begin with something that you know will make you feel good, such as a walk, some quiet time, or a hot cuppa. Start with simple things that don’t take too much time or effort and build from there, incorporating more and more self-care into your daily life as you go.
Practising self-love
Self-love is based on loving yourself at your core. It is a state of mind or a feeling you have about yourself. Here are some ways to develop and practice self-love in your life and learn how to love yourself:
- Know and understand the true YOU.
- Build self-care routines.
- Prioritise self-compassion.
- Nurture positive thoughts and affirmations.
- Practice gratitude and embrace your uniqueness.
- Set and enforce healthy boundaries.
Whatever you do, practising self-love is when you spend time doing things you want to do that will help you love and appreciate who you are. The above are just a few ideas which may help if you are struggling with loving YOU. But you know yourself better than anyone so you are the best judge of what will work best to help you love yourself.
The importance of self-love
Self-love is a foundational component of mental health and well-being. If we don’t feel positive about ourselves, we can lack motivation. Think about it, when you feel good about yourself (loving yourself), you are much more likely to take on new opportunities and do things! Am I right? So, self-love helps us take care of ourselves, protects us from negative thoughts and self-sabotage, and also helps us strive for success.
Together self-care and self-love help support our resilience, stress management, and mental health when dealing with everyday life. When in a place of true self-love, the thoughts we have about ourselves will be more loving and positive and we will think and speak kindly to ourselves, care more for ourselves and will be more likely to find more loving relationships with others.
Loving yourself brings benefits:
- 💛 An acceptance of YOU exactly as you are.
- 💛 Gratitude for your life journey.
- 💛 Contentment for the moment.
- 💛 Excitement for YOUR future journey.
I hope this helps but if you need further help with your self-love, your well-being, or have lost the true YOU, please get in touch and I can help you find your way through this difficult time through mentoring and well-being coaching and providing any support you might need.